I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
What a dumb baby whore.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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