Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
