I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
