maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
