If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
