Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
