oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
