exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
