Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
im on a boat
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