i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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