I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
