nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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