Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
