porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
