If that was your dad, he is hot
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Someone signed my nipple.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
