dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
