All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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