Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
