Only a mothe r could love this liver
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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