I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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