Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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