3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
