he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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