So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
