Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
A bitchslap is in order.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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