Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
