Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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