I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
