It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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