if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
did you just send me my own nude
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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