Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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