My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I AM VODKA MAN
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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