"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
