Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
