you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
