I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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