everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
