my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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