It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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