Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
