when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
