I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
