Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
