im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
