some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Randomize
