I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
