Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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