That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
