i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think i have herpe
just one?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
