i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
