i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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