Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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