dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
