My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
