Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
