Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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