just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
