Your dad touched me again.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
