I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
