oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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