We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
