The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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