just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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