He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
